PhD Level Analysis Given To Txt

After receiving a txt from the girl he took out two nights earlier, Tim Benthel began to analyze the message in a manner unseen outside of English PhD candidates.

I think that sounds fun the txt read answering his earlier txt inquiring about drinks after work.

“There’s just so much subtext here!” he declared to his co-workers and de facto  peer reviewers. “It’s remarkable how she’s able to say so much with so few words. I’m going to be pouring over this for the rest of the day.”

While stopping short of diagramming the sentence, Benthel did say the txt out loud in every conceivable inflection. “I think that sounds fun. No, the ‘think’ here is a idiomatic expression of non-commitment not a statement on her actual knowledge. I think that sounds fun. Yes, that seems more of a possibility. Emphasizing the potential of the night to come while still not being too agreeable. Oh she’s good.”

“What about what she’s not saying?” a lofty voice asked over his cubicle.

“I hadn’t even thought of that!” exclaimed Benthel who began again in earnest figuring out everything she didn’t say and compiling it all in a growing Excel sheet. This was in addition to the thirty three page Word document containing all several hundred drafts of his response.

Benthel, who earned a C- minus his senior year of high school English and never took another class in college, spent the next two and a half hours debating what her delayed response could indicate.

In the end, Benthel reached the conclusion that she, in fact, definitely wanted to have sex with him but wasn’t sure about how soon they should move in. As of the publication of this story, he has not txted her back.