Daredevil Dies in a Horribly Boring Way

Even The First Lady was heard mumbling “dumbass.”

 

Just hours after what’s-his-face risked his family, his career, his lunch, and his life by walking a shit-ton of feet on a steel rope across two little land things somewhere in the dry part of America (North), he was found dead in the middle of a street just outside of Reno or something.

Witnesses say he was crossing the street rather slowly, placing one foot meticulously in front of the other, and not doing a lot of looking around. He was hit by a nondescript truck that we probably won’t bother tracking down.